I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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