my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
