eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize