i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
