As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize