She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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