he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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