Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
