no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
