So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize