Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
