Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
