Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
