he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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