Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
