I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
