We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you made out with another girl for some wings
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
