dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
