Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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