And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
