You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
