She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
