I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
