Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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