I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
