my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
