what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
