You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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