this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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