She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
