FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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