he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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