it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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