He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
