You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
