how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
