is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
