Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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