there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
