I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
