my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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