So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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