If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
