Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
