I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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