we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
