yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
