A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
pop tarts are not kleenex
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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