Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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