My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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