i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you would pick up someone in the library
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
