In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
