Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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