ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
