how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
