Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
