How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
