That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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