Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize