drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
