he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
