He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
