is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
