I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
