Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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