I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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