I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
