I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
