and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
