I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So many bounce houses so little time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
