she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
