it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
