who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have feelings that need drinking.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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