At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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