summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
