even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
