this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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