God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
