Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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