I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
