i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
