I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
