Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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