Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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