Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
