she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize