I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
