Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
