So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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