not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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