Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
