There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize