i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
True strength comes from lack of pants
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
