in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize