You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
