i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I intend to get homeless drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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