One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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