Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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