my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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