Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
