chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
