Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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