Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
