I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
